I say I enjoy being irresponsible, but that's not exactly true.

Saturday I signed a contract that says I agree to no longer be a homeowner as of June 18. You have no clue how wonderful that felt to me. A very large weight was lifted from my shoulders. I did not enjoy being a homeowner, at least not at that time in my life under those exact circumstances in that exact home. The person I became while living in that house wasn't me, and I struggled with losing myself more and more each day that I stayed.

Sunday I relied on my youngest of the older cousins (she is 28 while her sister is 30 and the other cousins are ages 7-15) to text me when she knew what the plan was for seeing my maternal grandmother for Mother's Day. When that text still hadn't arrived by 4:00pm I decided I would take matters into my own hands and just bring the fudge cupcakes, carrot cake, Cinnamon Buns ice cream, Hershey's Bliss chocolate, and bouquet of flowers over to Gram on my own. I didn't expect to see her there because I had been told she was over at my uncle's house and when she was ready to see us my cousin would receive word. When I showed up Gram was carefully cutting up a JC Penney gift card from my mom and stepdad on which was left 63 cents that she didn't feel like redeeming or, more importantly, leaving to anyone in her will. That has no relevance to anything other than if you met my grandmother you'd know I'm just like her — quirky.

While I was there I texted my cousin that my grandmother was, in fact, back home. My cousin texted back that, unfortunately, my aunt kinda forgot to arrange plans with Gram and my cousin had other plans with her paternal grandmother, so neither of them would be able to show up that night. So, I sat with Gram for two hours and we chatted, just the two of us. She for the first time noticed that I am 60 pounds lighter than I used to be. She for the first time noticed that I have dimples on both my cheeks, and that I smile a lot now. She noticed for the first time that I am a whole, real person who is just like her and her daughter, my mother, living free-spiritedly.

After years of dancing around it, of trying to suppress it, of trying to pretend it isn't true, I am finally admitting to myself and to my family: I am a free spirit.

But in my free spiritedness I am able to maintain a very important balance of responsibility. Still playful, still seeing life through my inner child's eyes, but in a way that keeps me and the cats fed, the bills paid, the car registered, and a roof over our heads.

And I hope one day to be responsible enough to pass that free spiritedness on to my daughter and granddaughter, if it's in the Life cards for me to have them.

Ok, I'm done writing. My point is: I am ready for the next chapter. And I probably get an F- for not properly conveying that idea with the post above, but… at least I told you down here.