Yesterday I had to work 11 hours. This meant I got up at 5am, was out the door for 6:15am, got a ride into Manhattan by Dawg for 7am, then worked until 6pm.
I had promised soup, so I got soup on the way from work to the train.
When I got home at 7:15pm I was in no functional condition. I begrudgingly ate dinner, cuddled up to Dawg for a few minutes, tried to wake up, then proclaimed at 8pm “I need to go lay down.” “Are you getting back up again?” “I don’t know.” Honesty is the best policy.
I woke up at 6:45am today. That was a very long nap.
The idea of how we push ourselves close to oblivion seem to stick with me. Take a look at this quote [the whole thing SIC]:
“….Surrounding the mind Of a self called nowhere It’s a thing named “id” In a bottomless pit….”
The “Id” as defiend in The New Dictionary of Cultural Literacy, Third Edition:
id
In Freudian theory, the part of the psyche associated with instinctual, repressed, or antisocial desires, usually sexual or aggressive. In its efforts to satisfy these desires, the id comes into conflict with the social and practical constraints enforced by the ego and superego. (See also pleasure principle.) [1]
The idea that we put ourselfs at great risk to get the things we want, but still not get it, is a major role in this song. in this case, it borders on the unusual, but then agan, when was the last time we dumped our lifetime savings into something of little or no value?
Oh, the irony in that last statement. Don’t look at any account that is based on stock market trading or you might find an ugly answer.
I don’t think that 2009 is a year of deep introspective reflection for me, but I guess we’ll have to see. There was an incident at work a few days ago where I was, once again, misinterpreted in my intentions. I can’t quite figure out if it’s because I’m female so am misunderstood, am introvertedly quirky so am misunderstood, or am just not a Slave to The Man so am misunderstood. But I had a very sad moment where I was at a crossroads of “maybe I’m not going to be able to stay, despite how much I love the work and the people.” I don’t plan to go anywhere, but my 20% more disappointment might push me out the door because I choose to not let my work life consume me so as not to allow my home life to suffer immeasurably.
I have really sucky balance, so we’ll see how I do with that.
For your aural and visual enjoyment, here’s a mashup of TMBG and Cowboy Bebop:
Sometimes I really love the words that spring from my fingers. This is one of those sometimes.
My 2008 was pretty fucking fantastic. I did a lot of great things that started with me finally taking some control over my life and making decisions based on where I wanted to be rather than where life was taking me. Funny how 2008 was pretty fucking sucky for most of the rest of you. Maybe you gave me your good stuff? Thanks for that!
I did make one resolution for 2009. I don’t really make resolutions, don’t believe in them, but I’m pretty sure I can keep this one:
I resolve to be 20% more disappointing to people.
Came up with that one in bed sometime during the night between eve of eve and New Year’s Eve and I’m quite proud of it.
I’ve come to the conclusion that, no matter how hard I try to please people, there are a lot of people out in the world who prefer to be disappointed. So, I’m going to give them what they want, in the meantime stopping my habit of giving too much of myself to people who don’t deserve it, and just up front disappoint them. No more game of me trying my hardest to do what it is you maybe want, failing in your eyes, and being hurt by your disappointment.
I already lived that life back in Vermont. I already played that game. I’m not into games. I refuse to be a part of the game anymore. Call me when you’re ready to opt out of the game too or else enjoy my disappointment and shut the fuck up about it.
I intend to do this both in my professional and personal life. I will never do it in such a way that it makes me compromise my moral compass or sense of self or is specifically vindictive. I do expect, though, that this will allow me to feel comfortable in saying what is on my mind more often rather than being frustrated about the tug-of-war between saying what’s on my mind and hurting your feelings if I say it. And in the end maybe I will find that I disappoint people a lot more than the 20% extra I was hoping for, or maybe, just maybe, it will avoid disappointment altogether.
Snail cozy photo borrowed from craftastrophe.net. I am against snail cozies. I am for craftastrophes.
My New Year’s Eve:
Work until after 5pm doing work I enjoy, even if their disorganization sometimes makes me incredibly brinky.
Picked up at my office building door (*swoon*) then off to eat steak and potato with Dawg at Tad’s Broiled Steaks (W 34 St).
Photos of the Empire State Building and an impromptu video by Dawg of my 2009 New Year’s Resolution (which I actually thought up yesterday!).
A kiss (or two… or three) goodbye and for a happy new year.
Home to the girls for love, treat, and poop scoop.
Guest post on Dawg’s blog since there is no chance for him to post.
Snuggle on the couch with the kittos to ring in the new year right — a horror movie on demand that puts me to sleep before the ball drops. (hehe!) Update: Awake to a phone call from Dawg wishing me a Happy New Year! YAY!
Hope you are having or did have a very safe new year celebration. The girls and I will celebrate “properly” with Dawg after he is home safely and well rested.
Time Warner channel 1008 has horror movies on demand.
An F train can sometimes be in disguise as an E train.
An F train stops equally as close to my work as an E train if I let it.
I’m not good at letting people walk all over me. As I shouldn’t be.
Hale & Hearty’s potato and sausage soup isn’t good.
If both metro card replenishing machines are in use a line of impatient people will form behind you.
A life-sized figure of Boba Fett is affixed to the IT department wall in my business (yah, I’m observant). Apparently they aren’t Trekkies. Or -ers.
If I go to any other Starbucks than the one I normally frequent I can still get bold coffee this week as opposed to the weakass shit they pass off as coffee but tastes like old tea water. Helllllllo, new Starbucks!
There are really cool Japanese restaurants on W 55 between 5 Ave and 6 Ave! And one is open for breakfast!
If a shop doesn’t look like a shop on the outside then I probably don’t have enough money to my name to even walk in there, much less shop there.
I am equally as honored, even more so since he sees me every single day and could think I’m pretty spectacularly boring by now, but… nope! That man dorks me out every day. (Please, no dirty thoughts here.)
In other news, my Facebook status says it all: Stef doesn’t know what to say. (That sounds more dramatic than I mean it.)
This means: EOF
For the non-geeks, that means: end of file.
For those who translate geek to speak that means: this post is over.
Stop & Shop maple bacon -- baked in the oven, Cabot Hunter's extra
sharp cheddar -- warmed slightly in the microwave, Hellmann's real
mayonnaise -- room temperature, Thomas's English muffin -- toasted.
Yes, it was fucking delicious.
A bigger size so you can see every glistening bit of it is here.
The lovely and vivacious Sheila interviewed me! Because I asked her to! Because I think she’s fascinating so I figured her asking me questions would continue the fascinating streak! And it did! Why am I exclamating? ! Shouldn’t that be exclaiming? ! Whatever!
1. I have noticed that you have a couple of babies but I can’t seem to keep up with them. How many do you have and what are there names?
This is Allie, who is almost 12:
This is Ripley, who is 7:
This is Georgie, who is 4:
My childhood cat Little Kitty is cremated and sits in a box in my floating end table drawer.
I claim ownership over many other cats when I am in their physical presence, but I’m not technically their mama.
2. Was Dawg always a cat person or was that one of those things that he just had to learn to love? As in “Love Me, Love My Kitties”.
Dawg was always a cat person, and had cats growing up. If he had hated my cats it would have been a deal breaker because that would have meant he hated a part of me. The girls are my kids. Honestly, though, I was very surprised to learn he is a cat person because I totally pegged him as a dog person.
3. How is the adjustment going as far as living in New York versus Vermont?
I love living in New York, although I think part of the reason is because I love having the craziness of Manhattan as my work life and the quiet solitude (yes, really) of Queens as my personal life. I also really enjoy making loose plans but not necessarily keeping them because then my OCD can’t kick in when we’re five minutes late for anything. I do miss my family and friends, but when I lived in Vermont I didn’t keep in touch with them as well as I do now, so it’s one of those “blessing in disguise” things. Also, I love riding the subway and I LOVE living with Dawg. Who knew living with someone could be so much fun?!???!!!!??!!!!!
4. How did your family react when you said you were moving there to be with a guy you met online?
My dad:
My mom:
My brother was shocked but then he saw videos of me and Dawg on Cereal Wednesday and he realized how absolutely in love I am with that man.
I told Break Boy during one of our Guitar Hero jams at the new datacenter. He was shocked and really sad that I wouldn’t be staying. He asked if I was happy. I showed him this video:
He knew I was happy. His wife Knitting Girl and their kids EZA, and LLA were very sad I was leaving but were content that I’d be visiting on occasion. (I do when there isn’t an effing snowstorm!!!)
PiC and da Bomb were their version of sad to see me go, but they knew it was a very good thing considering how things at work were going from bad to much, much worse.
I dunno how anyone else felt about the matter because I didn’t bother asking. I don’t really like dealing with goodbyes.
It sucks to miss people, but that’s life.
5. Do you guys ever have to battle over who gets the blog fodder when something insane happens to the two of you?
I like surprises and he knows that, so I generally don’t know what’s being posted to his blog until everyone else knows too. The only time I know what Dawg is blogging about is when he asks me to read his post before it launches or he has a great idea and tells it to me before he gets a chance to write it down. If we both have an experience it’s fair game for us both to blog it because we each have a very different perspective on any given event. We also have different readers. And we also each consider writing on our blogs as a way of sorting through the mess in our minds, so being able to write anything down is therapeutic.
Ok, that was beyond fun. I still owe one person her interview questions, which means I suck. Sorry!!! If you want to interview me please let me know, if you want me to interview you please let me know. And, again, the idea and offer still stands — if you have any interview questions for Dawg please let me know so I can interview him on camera. We got a few questions, but I’d rather have a bunch more. I just don’t believe there aren’t people out there dying to ask the tough questions of NYC Watchdog.
