Poppy Cedes

Dear E Train,

Go suck your own cock. And not in the pleasant way. I want you to suck it the teethy pus-filled sore way. Because that’s the best that you deserve. And I don’t just want, I insist.

Poppy does not love you.

The end.

Dear Audrina from The Hills,

Justin is a dirty scumbag. He’s only hanging around you so he can be on TV. I assure you he sucks the cock. That’s not a bad thing in any way whatsoever, other than the fact that you think he’s exclusive to you now which makes him a cheater and you a fool.

Kisses,
Poppy

Dear MTV,

Did you really think we wouldn’t notice this is your third time having “The Real World” in New York if you called it “The Real World: Brooklyn”?

You’re stupid,
Poppy

Dear Top Chef,

YAY TO YOU BEING IN NEW YORK I LOVE YOU I CAN’T WAIT TO MISTAKENLY RUN INTO PADMA AND TOM EVEN THOUGH THE BULK OF THE SHOW IS ALREADY TAPED.

Love love love,
~ Popstar

Dear Break Boy’s Lovely Wife,

Thank you for understanding me and being on my side. I am going to miss you so very, very much.

And thank you for fiiiiiinally getting on Facebook.

Love,
Poppy

(Ok, I need to go cry now. Bye.)

Dear Steve Jobs,

The newest version of iMovie is a piece of fucking SHIT.

Whoever wrote it should be FIRED.

It takes me 17 years to do ANYTHING I could do in the older version. You’ve totally fucked over a piece of previously functional software.

Thanks for nothing, you asshat.

Unfuckingsincerely,
nlm Poppy mln

Dear Winter,

Shut up.

Asshole.

Poppy

NO SPECIAL FONT FOR YOU!

POPPY

To the man outside my office door who is speaking very loudly so that everyone in my department will hear your business,

Shut. the. fuck. up.

Fuckhead.

(@!#%*!@%^”@$%”!@*$%!@#$%@#%@#!$^*$^@#%*!#%!@!!!!!)

Kisses,
Popstar

Dear Thing that Activates the Sunlight,

Ow. And I’m too tired for this. Shut it off, please.

Hugs and Kisses,
Poppy

Dear energy,

I had so much of you yesterday. Today I have none. You suck.

Hugs,
Poppy

Fab’s pal Karen switched up the rules for this meme in such a perfect way that I don’t need to switch it up any more than it already is.

Here are the rules:

* Link to the person that tagged you.
* Post the rules on your blog.
* Share six non-important things about yourself in mini complaint letter form.
* Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs.
* Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.

I got tagged by Fab cuz he my beautifully enthusiastic spirit. Or something.

1. Dear Famous Amos: Why don’t you put enough cookies in your bite size bag? Hmm? HMM??
2. Dear world: Why are you so unfriendly to the lefties? What’d we do to you?
3. Dear amusement park: You know how much I like the spinny rides, so how about you stop kicking me off them and making me go to the back of the line? So what if I puke everywhere? I promise to buy more food if I do.
4. Dear Arm & Hammer: Why do you insist on taking my favorite deodorant off the shelf so that I am forced to switch to Old Spice?
5. Dear border patrol: Please stop hassling me for going to Canada every 3 minutes. Srsly. That shit gets old real fast.
6. Dear gravy: Stop being so fucking delicious.

I tag the following person: Abs. (Cuz she needs to feel all important. )

Anyone else who wants to do this meme is free to do so, but please note that I didn’t tag you.

In case you were wondering about yesterday’s PiF winners, they are: Mikey, NPW, and Stef. Yes, I randomly chose comments 1, 3, and 5 (not including my own) which are the first three odd numbers, not the first three prime numbers (2 is prime; everyone forgets about 2), above zero. Don’t glare at me. Not my fault you didn’t win. All winners have been notified of their win and their present arrives next week. You three now need to pay it forward.

Dear entire world,

It is time for a nap.

Put down your weapons.
Put down your heads.
And go to sleep.

Night!
~Poppy

Dear entire internet,

You were really boring today.

Kisses,
~Poppy