Poppy Cedes

“Smart impresses me; strength of character impresses me. But most of all, I’m impressed by kindness. Kindness, I think, comes from learning hard lessons well, from falling and picking yourself up. It comes from surviving failure and loss. It implies an understanding of the human condition, forgives its many flaws and quirks. When I see that in someone, it fills me with admiration.” — Ridley, lead character in Lisa Unger’s Beautiful Lies

I’m not sure I’ve ever read a more perfect passage in a piece of fiction not based on someone’s life. I’m pretty sure it’s going to be the only great part of this particular New York Time’s Bestseller, but whatevs. These words are my words. I might as well have written them, because they precisely state who I am as a person. If you need to know how I think about human beings, how I’m able to show the compassion I have for other people, these words tell you how I am programmed to think, to feel.

In completely unrelated news, I ordered my Halloween costume from a company that really wants the person who is indicated on the SHIP TO label to actually sign for the US Postal Service package that arrives, but I foolishly put my own name on the SHIP TO of Mama Dawg’s house. I tracked the package yesterday and realized that the USPS had indeed tried to get a signature for the package on (Saturday? I don’t recall, a day I wasn’t sitting on the bench outside the house waiting for a package to arrive in my name, anyway) but left a slip that said “pick up your package at the post office, LADY.” Well, fat chance of that happening considering my Manhattan-bound status during the week, and I actually have to *gasp* work this coming Saturday so everyone devised the plan that I would sign the slip then Hollywood would take it to the post office on Monday and say that I just married into the family (I did not) and that I am his daughter-in-law (well, ya know, I think I am despite the lack of legality, but I don’t think the USPS would necessarily agree), and that I live with him and please oh please give me her package cuz, look, she wrote down the same address as is on my license!

This morning Dawg called me at work… in the morning… on a MONDAY… a very rare occasion, having now happened all of ONE TIME.

Poppy: (cheery but inquisitive voice) Hey, Babe!
Dawg: (serious, stern voice) Hey Babe. Listen. I just got off the phone with my mom and I have to head down to the 104th precinct. My dad went to pick up your package and got arrested…
Poppy: (thinking in my head, “now why would it be the 104? I didn’t go to the 104 when my car got broken into on their block…” and then “OH HOLY FUCK SHIT DAMN I GOT DAD ARRESTED!”)
Poppy (continued): “ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!??!!?!??!?!”
Dawg: (chuckling) Yes, he got the package. I’ll pick it up on the way home.
Poppy: (hysterically laughing but pissed) You know if that REALLY happened I would have to exit all aspects of your life out of complete embarrassment.
Dawg: (continuing to laugh)
Poppy: *sigh* Good one, though.

Yesterday I made some personal decisions for myself that set me up for success rather than the failure spiral I was starting to feel. One of them was that I’m just going to accept my own words that people come and go in your life. Another is to just be happy and not try to analyze everything into a bad situation. Another is to be nice if you want others to be nice to you (then if they aren’t nice you can tear them a newwwwww asshole :). And one more: books aren’t my reality and other people’s situations aren’t my reality, just my reality is mine. It feels like I’ve come to all of these conclusions before but then I sheep out, letting others lead, and in the process I become a zombie computer, doing what others are doing just cuz, not making careful choices for myself when they need to be made, and being really confused and defensive when my brain checks back in and sees the mess I let in.

So, that’s that.

There’s a really interesting article on Macworld about the AppleTalk protocol finally being laid to rest in Snow Leopard/OS X 10.6 and how if your 10-year-old network printer can’t do IP printing you’re SOL. … First of all, that’s a mother fucking AWESOME printer to have lasted 10 years. Second of all, they’re still making ink for it?!!? Wow! Third of all, you got your money’s worth, now go buy a new printer for probably 1/2 to 1/4 what you paid for that one and let your niece and nephew tinker with and marvel at your ancient technology.

I’ve decided I probably won’t go back to VT until next year. Lack of vacation days plus coming to terms with being a New Yorker, plus it taking 7 hours just to get there if there’s any traffic at all allowed me to cut the ties. This means I will shop for EZA’s Aug 25 bday presents then send them to him in a box with a letter that apologizes for not being there to hand deliver it like I had hoped.

I’ve changed my mind about Karin Slaughter’s Triptych. You should read it.

Happy Friday, friends and family! >> I’m sitting on the patio. [Update] *giggle* <– easily amused.

I am reading the novel die for you by Lisa Unger. It is set in Eastern Europe and New York City and is all about the idea of thinking you know exactly what’s going on in your life, trusting that your reality is The True Reality, but then finding out that everything about your current circumstance was pretty much a set-up and a lie, all done for money. As in, your husband who tells you he loves you and wants to take care of you and shares his bank account with you and fucks the everloving sweetness right out of you on hard surfaces is really thinking about his real life back home where he’s from and his name isn’t really what his name is so that Mrs. Hislastname shit you’re sporting isn’t real either. Oh, and by the way, his real wife beat the shit out of you and took her wedding ring back off your finger after she gashed your head open.

This type of story line does two things for me:
1. Makes me ponder the thought of everything in my life right now being unreal.
2. Makes me contemplate my trust of other human beings.

I have trust issues already. I could choose to let this book feed into those issues, but perhaps I should choose the mature adult path and learn what I don’t want to be, learn who I am right now and who I want to become and make a plan for getting there.

But if it turns out that Dawg really isn’t Dawg I’m gonna freak the fuck out. :)