BB's post is my camel straw. I can no longer stay completely silent on my blog about something weighing so heavily on my heart.
I am very disappointed at how much of the blogosphere has imploded lately.
I'd use another adjective, but that's how I feel.
This is a post about no one in particular, but everyone in particular.
I'm also disturbed that a blogger I met at TequilaCon reminds me of a blogger from the past who I really want to forget ever existed. It hurts my heart to be reminded. This might as well be a Social Moth post since I'm not saying who I mean, but I need to say it: I'm sorry I cannot befriend you because you remind me of a very, very bad day.
While in NYC I finished studying book 1 of 6 for the GCIH certification and broke into book 2 of 6. It's much easier for me to stay focused if someone is motivating me to do so, and that someone was Dawg. Too bad I couldn't take him with me back to France to continue studying, but…
He is wise. He helped me make a plan for studying so I can get my certification "asap". The plan? It involves cutting back on extracurricular activities, such as blogging (both writing and reading/commenting). My evenings will be more strictly regimented. I will not suddenly find the time to be 10:00pm and wonder, "where did my evening go?" I will set daily reading goals and I will stick to them. And on weekends when I am not physically unable to study I will be studying with breaks to play with the kitties, because honestly those dishes don't take priority over my studying. Sorry, dishes! You like being dirty anyway.
This should last just a few weeks, and then I'll be ready for my test. Last time I studied for my GIAC test (the GSEC) it took me 4 months from conference to both exams passed, so this is a much improved turnaround time for the one 4-hour exam I need to take this time.
There may be a present for me if I succeed with my goal, so I'm very motivated to stay on task. (Ok, he never said there was one, I made that part up, but if I pretend there is one then I'll stick to the goal. )
I will still be attending BrittCon, by the way. That plan has not changed. No chance I'm missing that.
Revision: I have made a day-by-day plan that gets me ready to take the actual exam as early as 6/9, since testing at my local facility only occurs on Mondays and Tuesdays. I can do this.
So, you know how I like to do memes but I like to change them up because rules and I don't actually get along so well? (How I am not in prison for eternity is beyond me, honestly.)
I'm stealing Tug's meme, except I'm also stealing her answers and then just commenting about them, but on my blog in a post instead of in her comments where comments belong. Yup. So, without the furtherness of ado…
Tug: I totally think men on motorcycles are HOT, but will never.ever sit my ass on one again as long as I live. (the motorcycle, not necessarily the man) ;-)
Poppy: I was offered to ride a motorcycle when I was seven. I was terrified of the idea so I declined. Also, when I told my brother I am dating a man from NYC my brother asked me if he was a biker (as in, Harley). Because, ya know, all guys from The City are bikers! (hehehehehehehehe)
Tug: I don't believe my mom when she tells me she's proud of me, but I do believe my dad. I hope my daughter believes me when I tell her.
Poppy: I am the opposite. My dad rarely praises me, but when he does I don't feel sincerity behind it. When my mom praises me it's usually with that choked up voice I get when I'm really proud of someone, so I know she means it.
Tug: While I'm very confident and well-spoken with anyone - no matter their position in life - each & every day - I still have to really talk to myself & convince myself not to cry or scream when I'm REALLY mad - because if I've gotten that mad? I've held it in, and that's not good.
Poppy: I actually used to have this problem, but back before blogging. I blogging, it's really helped even out my moods because I don't have to keep everything pent up. I know that I could just talk things out (as in, omg, verbally!!!!), but I have a very hard time not just completely clamming up when things are bothering me. I'm an internalizer.
Tug: One of the best times my daughter & I have had was a trip from Vegas to MT in a car that crawled up hills (think semis & motor homes passing you & stopping every 100 miles or so to add oil), but flew down them! We totally bonded (her jr. high years), and just had a blast doing what we wanted, stopping where we wanted, and cranking the tunes, singing along, and laughing.
Tug: I have never in my life been anorexic, but I can look at a woman with my body type & think she looks good - but I don't think I do. In the same breath I can say I'm lucky to have 1 or 2 good hair days a year, and I don't really care. This is me, take it or leave it. ;-)
Poppy: I've been bulimic and anorexic. I was much more successful with the bulimia part since I love to eat so much. I'm still bad about food, but it's not because I have control issues. I'm just lazy about incorporating healthy eating into my life. Send me on vacation and I eat breakfast, lunch, and steak dinner. Otherwise I kinda just suck at squaring away those meals. I think women with my body type are beautiful and, not to be conceited or anything, I think I'm beautiful. It took me a long time in life to think that, but I'm there.
Tug: I'm quite the cunning commentor, but a pretty pathetic poster in the blog world, but I'm glad I'm here (and again, take it or leave it) - I've 'met' some pretty awesome people!
Poppy: Tug is not a pathetic poster. That's just redonk. However, I totally agree that I've met some pretty awesome people in the blog world! (If I said I hadn't then my best friend and my boyfriend would probably be kinda pissed at me, maybe a little. )
I think the orange site with the Georgie-kitty sleeping in the corner is cute, so it stays for Poisson d'Avril. I know some stuff is broken, don't care.
It will be back to "normal" on 4/2.
Just consider yourself welcome that I let you know what day it is.
It seems that once we get firmly established into our blog life and are comfortable with our blog friends we inevitably come to a point where we realize that this great place where we could say anything and everything and be accepted for who we are takes a turn for the less-best, and we feel we need to censor ourselves.
Take, for instance, me. Since I'm the author of this blog and the knower of my life, I can tell you I definitely have been censoring myself more and more on this blog since late July of 2007, and in fact had been censoring myself to a large degree since December of 2006. (Did you know that? Was it obvious?)
I cannot, in good conscience, tell all of blogland exactly what is going on in my life (bad or good), or how my life is affected by the lives of other bloggers around me. There are good and bad things going on in my life and in the lives of other bloggers that just are not for public consumption.
So, this leaves me to wonder: Where is the outlet for these things? Where do we bare our souls when we need to get something off our chests but we want it to be anonymous? Do we start another blog but tell no one at all about it? Do we keep a paper or Word document journal and keep our fingers crossed that no one accidentally stumbles upon it? Do we keep the information locked inside our heads and tell ourselves to just forget about it? Do we tell our therapists everything and smile politely when they give us that "errr, so, you're telling me people inside the computer are your friends" look? Or do we just say, "fuck it, who cares if it hurts anyone we know or has negative consequences to me personally" and just spill it on our blogs anyway?
In case you're wondering, I personally won't be picking the "fuck it" option.
I stayed up until past 2:00am because my mind couldn't settle down. That hasn't happened on a non-weekend night since January. It means I am excited about something.
I am not looking forward to 11:00am this Saturday and I will actually have several people on standby in case things go very, very wrong. In fact, I would not be surprised if things went very, very wrong given the proximity of this event to another event. I am most likely making something out of nothing, but better to be paranoid than unprepared. I would be less cryptic but …well, you know me.
I am looking forward to everything before and after that one event of the weekend. I am also looking very much forward to next Thursday afternoon as well as the 10 days following that day. Vacation, all I ever wanted / vacation, had to get away. (I think I'm Belinda Carlisle. It happens.)
Every single dish in my home is dirty. I've had other things to focus on. I'm just proud that, despite all those dirty dishes, I'm still eating solid dinners. Last night was cottage cheese, pickles, potato skins, and string cheese! (what?)
I am cold. I hate being cold. In like a lion… (I'm a leo, you know. rawr.)
I would really really really like you to visit this site and sign up or RSS feed it to find out when it launches. Some day very soon (I don't know that I'm supposed to tell you yet which day) there will actually be content-that-you-can-see there.
Think of that site like the Cloverfield mystique — you didn't know what it was going to be about but you sure did wanna see it!
)
blogging, it's really helped even out my moods because I don't have to keep everything pent up. I know that I could just talk things out (as in, omg, verbally!!!!), but I have a very hard time not just completely clamming up when things are bothering me. I'm an internalizer.
I stayed up until past 2:00am because my mind couldn't settle down. That hasn't happened on a non-weekend night since January. It means I am excited about 
