I normally like and love myself, think I’m awesome with chips firmly planted on the side and even a pickle.
Today I looked at myself in the mirror after putting on my cute outfit and said, “I love you.” And the depressed foggy cloud feeling entered my brain. Oh no. “Pull your shit together, you have to love yourself. It’s a rule! I LOVE YOU! … oh, I don’t love you today. Wow. Ok, ok, no, I do love you. Wow. I love you? I love you! I love you! I … feh.”
I’m not sure what’s going on, but I have been having a lot of bad dreams since returning from Florida. A LOT. They scare the fucking shit out of me. They’re hurtful to me personally and always involve people I care about intentionally betraying me, or betraying me and I’m not even a thought in their mind about betraying.
I really don’t know where this is coming from.
And, of course, something happened today where I went from somewhat stable in emotions — ok, so you don’t really like yourself today but there’s always tomorrow — to me screaming at the man I love, things that I never ever wanted to scream at him.
And he still loves me. I don’t know why or how. I’ve never been loved so unconditionally by a man before. It’s hard to accept this. It’s wonderful, but it makes me feel so much shame to act so immaturely to him. I get so mad at myself for taking out my insecurities on him.
And then tonight Mama Dawg said to me “you have a lot of issues!” when I told her how I used to have a stuffed toy eggplant as a kid so now it’s hard for me to eat eggplant.
And I do.
I feel so strong and then… so low. I just was hoping to feel my strength as a woman, as a person, as a pillar of strength. But I don’t feel that today.
I’m just saying it so I don’t forget to love myself again.
Yo, Popstar: I love you!
You know what? At least you’re FEELING. And to me, that’s just as much loving yourself as anything else…
I don’t know if it helps at all to hear this, but normal people are just people we don’t know that well.
Loving yourself all the time is pretty difficult.
And we’re all messed up in our ways.
Still – I would think seeing your reflection would make you all kinds of squishy and lovey inside all the time.
Oh baby. I’m sorry you screamed at your Dawggy, but he’s a good man and he adores you and he understands.
Nobody loves themselves every day. It comes with the territory. As for your dreams, perhaps somewhere in your mind you think you have it too good. I know many of your bloggy friends and they are among the best people I’ve met. You are in a very happy place in your life and maybe your subconsious is afraid the rug will be pulled out from under you based on past experience.
Keep telling yourself how much you love you. And we’ll keep telling you how much we love you. Eventually your subconsious will settle down.
I love you!
I have to agree with the others… You can’t love yourself all the time. I mean, okay, maybe some people can – I don’t know for sure. But I’d bet all of my belongings that it’s a real friggin’ rarity.
Yo Popstar, I love you too.
I love you too, Popstar!
It’s pretty hard to love yourself every single day. I think loving yourself MOST days is a pretty good feat.
Unconditional love is a rare thing and I’m so happy for you that you found it.
I feel the same way from time to time. Though, sometimes it’s odd to me still that I love myself because for such a long time, I didn’t.
OMG! I do the same thing. I have to take a deep breath and tell myself the little voices trying to tear me back down are just the jealous rantings of the people from the past, the ones who were afraid I’d eclipse them.
I have always thought you were so cool!!! I totally love you!
You’re not taking codeine cough medicine, are you? That shit always gives me the freakiest dreams. It’s too bad it works so well.
I met you briefly last weekend and I like you. In fact I’m looking forward until the next time I see you and I can spend some one on one time with you.
I think if someone is all, “I love myself all the time and I’m the greatest.”, they’re fooling themselves. There is always room for improvement; we are not Gods.
Love yourself, imperfections and all. No one is perfect. Are you happy? Are you a good person? If you answer yes, then don’t question yourself.
Big (Hugs) to you from me.
I know these feelings all too well and all I can say is the same things you have said to me. I think you’re awesome and I love you. Hang in there babe.
Clearly I am familiar with them…. And still struggling. And I am old.
The other day I told my boyfriend that I was afraid that he wouldn’t want me anymore when I move.
It was a long discussion and we worked through it.
But I feel you. It sucks when you don’t love yourself. I love you Poppy and I’d hug you (with permission of course).
You are awesome. Dawg is awesome. That’s all I have to say about that!
Oh lordy do I ever have days just like this. Its crazy.
*hugs* I love you Poppy!!! And I know where you’re coming from: there is always tomorrow.
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