Britt could be a preacher if she wanted to be. She preached a sermon about forgiveness yesterday that was very inspiring for a lot of people, including me. It inspired me to admit that there are things I refuse to forgive. And then my boyfriend left a comment on that post which clearly shows he is a better person than I am because he forgives.
Well, this girl right here clearly Sucks at Life™ because there are things in my past I choose not to forgive which I feel allow me to continue being who I am. And there will be things in my future I choose not to forgive which will shape me into the person I will become.
Forgiveness changes people. Unforgiveness molds people. I can forgive certain things, certain people. But there are incidents in my past that I’m not ever going to let the people involved have the satisfaction of my acceptance of what was done, because to do so would make it ok that it was done.
Not ok.
Never will be. Even when I am dust in the ground eternity will still permit that your transgressions are preserved in their foul, vile putrescence. Live with that.
And I will continue to live each day with my unforgiveness for all that I have done to others for which they cannot forgive me.
Fair is fair.
There are certain things in this world that are very much unforgivable. Sometimes forgiveness is what will help you heal. Other times, it’s holding on to that wrong doing that enables you to be strong enough to carry on.
I’ve experienced both and it should make the people that I do choose to forgive feel that much more special that I gave them my own personal form of grace. Because I am a champion grudge holder as well.
I have a circumstance in my life that I NEVER thought I would forgive. Every time I thought about the situation I felt like I was carrying a backpack full of rocks.
Once I took that backpack off and flung it as far as I could – I felt better.
Am I still hurt? YES. Have I forgave? Honestly, I am not sure but I do know that I have moved on.
why doesn’t my picture work on your blog, Poppygirl?
Here’s my question: does forgiveness make it okay that it was done? The reason I ask is that I forgave the guy who kidnapped me, but that doesn’t make it okay in my head that I was kidnapped. I have not however, forgiven the men who molested me, or my mother for allowing it, but not because it would make the acts okay, rather, because I do not deem them worthy of any forgiveness.
Does that make sense?
That picture of you all made flipping us off is really kinda cute.
Even mad you are ridiculously cute.
You should bottle that up and sell it, I think you’d be rich.
Photo added to reduce seriousness by a smidge.
For me, for my reality, forgiving someone for something that isn’t ok is not an option. I don’t want to move on and consider it something that is now resolved. I don’t dwell on it daily, but when I need to be tough and strong it’s the situations and people I haven’t forgiven that do give me the strength to get through another situation.
For me, forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person at all. I tend to hold things inside of me with such anger that they swell up and choke any positive steps I could make in changing my life. I forgive for me. I don’t forget quite as easily.
Wow. There is only one person who I will never forgive, not that he’s asked for forgiveness or even cares what I think. But there are some things that are just too terrible to “forgive and forget”.
And you’re not a bad person. You’re honest and straightforward. And to quote Mr.T., “I pity the fool” who messes with Poppy. (smile)
J.
I hear ya.
I can’t just dole out forgiveness to the world. It’s a case by case scenario. And some shit is unforgivable. Period.
Earl has it right above me… there are some things in life that are unforgivable. I think it all depends on what the infraction was that stirred up the forgiveness consideration.
I think forgiveness is more about your inner peace than that of the person you are forgiving. I see it as a conscious stepping forward and release of events that occurred out of my control, where I was victimized. Forgiveness allows you to no longer be the victim, to leave the past in the past and to move forward free of the bitterness over something that you cannot change.
OK, I’ll shut up now.
I don’t ever remember saying I actually forgave… just that I am reminded of that quote when I think about it.
I don’t think it makes me a better person for remembering a quote.
Oh my gosh, you do NOT suck at life.
Forgiveness, for me, is about accepting that it happened – not accepting that it was OK. If it was OK, forgiveness wouldn’t be necessary.
Sometimes when I apologize to someone, they instinctively say “It’s OK”, and my reaction is typically “no, it’s not OK. You don’t have to say that it’s OK, because it’s not. I’m sorry – but I’m not asking it to be OK.”
For me, it’s different.
I, like Hilly, see forgiveness as an act of self-preservation. If it doesn’t help you to forgive, then don’t.
You don’t suck the least little bit. Except, um, well…
I forgive you for looking so amazing in that awesome hat!
I just like that you know who you are. What you can and cannot do — and being okay with that.
I think that’s maturity.
Because there’s not enough room here, I’ll do this in two parts…
According to Webster ~ Forgive: to give up resentment of or claim to requital for (forgive an insult); to grant relief from payment of (forgive a debt); to cease to feel resentment against (forgive an offender); pardon (forgive enemies)
Yeah, me, not so much. I don’t pardon anyone who has abused me sexually, mentally, or otherwise. I don’t give them relief from the knowledge that they did it to me (or to anyone else). So if you suck at life Poppy, so do I. Moving past something is not forgiving. Sometimes it’s burying it and trying to just ignore it. Processing and “letting go” of it isn’t forgiving either.
I’m with you, Poppy. In my mind, forgiveness completely absolves a person of their wrongdoing and tells them “It’s okay that you did that and I accept it”, which is NOT the same as saying “I’m going to get over the fact that you did that so that I can get on with my life”.
Some people and some acts are just not worthy of compassion or forgiveness and I think most people incorrectly use the word to describe what they’ve done, which is, for lack of a better term, ‘find closure’ in order to achieve that inner peace.
I also think that it is often Time, not forgiveness, that heals wounds. In time, we sometimes decide the transgression was not so severe, or if it was, the hurt is no longer as fresh or as deep, and sometimes that alone is enough to help us let it go.
Tania usually asks me to forgive her for something mean she meant to do. I tell her no, show me that you have risen above the previous behavior and we will move on from here. Forgiveness is bull.
One finger salute!
Yeah – I think it depends on the act, but like Hilly said – I think forgiveness is for YOU – not them. If it was such a horrible thing, then it’s likely they are clueless about it, anyway, so forgiveness is lost on them. However, it sure doesn’t leak like acid into your heart anymore, that anger and hate.
Still – I totally get what you mean.
I will kick someone’s ass for you.
I forgive you for wearing Dave2′s hat instead of mine. And this is only forgivable because I actually haven’t released any hats. Note that it’s only slightly forgivable for no-one stopped you from making your own hats.
/shiesawayfromemotionsandmakesfunnyinstead
Mmmhmm mmhmm.
Brother, that’s just it. People who hurt me on purpose… they don’t deserve my forgiveness!
You and I are definitely related…
As for the idea that forgiveness is for ME: No thanks. I forgive people who deserve my forgiveness. Otherwise I save up my anger for the vault for when I need to kick someone’s ass on the street. I feel it bubble up when I’m in a situation where it might be good to not be passive, it’s pretty effing rad.
Saying that you choose to never, ever forgive is different than saying that there are some transgressions you’d never forgive. I don’t agree with the former statement but I agree with the latter.
I am not divine, therefore, I cannot forgive. Not sure if I can even forget.***************
How do you say good by to your destiny?
How do you say farewell to your dreams?
Where do you go to get your tomorrows?
Where do you go to start a new spring?
How do you escape the memories that haunt you?
Where is the ladder to climb out of this abyss?
When will you reach the summit of acceptance?
Time, eternal healer, is that which you resist.
You do NOT suck at life! I think forgiveness is one of the hardest things in this life to do.
There was a homily at mass one time that completely changed the way I view forgiveness and really helped me. There are two people in my life that to this day I still have to work to forgive (because it’s an ongoing process…not a one-time thing). Actually, there are plenty more than that, lol, but there are two in particular that I have the hardest time with.
The priest said that forgiveness is not for them, and not about them. It’s all about you. When you forgive, you are not saying that what they did is okay, or excusable. You’re simply saying, to yourself, that you want to let it go and heal.
Not forgiving only hurts you, not them, and they continue to “win” because all of that anger and hurt just poisons your soul. It does nothing to them. It only affects you, and you’re the one who matters.
There doesn’t have to be any satisfaction on their part for your forgiveness if it’s a personal decision that you make in your heart and not publicly. No one needs to know but you.
It’s all easier said than done, though, I know. And to be honest, I know I haven’t completely forgiven one of the people because just thinking about that person again as I read your post brought up all of the anger and resentment I feel toward them once again.
But when I really work on it and make an attempt to rid my soul of all of that junk, it feels so wonderful and freeing. And that’s as it should be…they no longer have that power over you.
Okay, sorry if I sound preachy, lol. Just a topic that’s very close to my heart. *hug*
Okay, I should’ve read the comments before I posted mine…agh! Hope I didn’t offend you and I totally understand you having a totally different take on the subject. Love to you!
Hmmmmm…this is very interesting.
From my point of view, I think I can forgive, but that doesn’t mean I am going to forget. Yeah, someone did something crappy to me, but I’m sue as hell going to make sure they don’t do it again. Then again, maybe I’m not that forgiving after all.
So, the saying is *not* “To err is human, to forgive asinine”? Huh. It all makes sense, now.
And what? What? Am I this behind on your blog??!! Crap.
Now, it’s pretty obvious you’ll never forgive me.
Faiqa, what is there to ever forgive you for? You are perfection.