Because posting the mantra is about me, but this is about you too.

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Update: Here’s a video version of the post, since I feel like tone is important for this subject:

And, here’s the original post…

Ok, seriously, this is my blog and I need to use it, dammit.

I feel like I am being tested with:

- a lot of very large tasks
- making decisions about certain ones of those very large tasks
- sitting back and not making decisions (yet) about the others of those very large tasks

I feel like I’m handling this well, but I’m getting the impression that others see things differently.

I can only handle things the way I handle them. This is me. This is who I am. If I could list out all that I am dealing with then people might see why I’m choosing to deal with things the way I am. Except I can’t list them all out.

Ok, let’s list them out in the way that I can…

- studying for my certification
- taking the exam for my certification
- preparing my things at The House to be moved to storage
- having my things moved from The House to storage
- helping to bring two major projects at work, both of which I lead, to successful completion by deadline
- signing the contract to sell the house
- [unmentionable #0]
- [unmentionable #1]
- [unmentionable #2]
- [unmentionable #3]
- [unmentionable #4]
- [unmentionable #5]
- [unmentionable #6]
- [unmentionable #7]
- [unmentionable #8]
- [unmentionable #9]
- continuing to take care of myself and the kitties while I am trying my best to handle all of these other things
- continuing to be a supportive girlfriend, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, granddaughter, employee, tenant, and amicable ex-wife while all of these things are happening

(I have handwritten notes about what items 0-9 are, I’m not making up that I have qty 10 items that are unmentionable.)

I am used to handling lots of major changes at once in my life, but some of these major changes are new to me. Some of them I’ve never gone through before. They are things that I very much want to go through or totally accept that I must go through them. I don’t want to back down from doing them. I don’t want to drop the ball and take the easy road and just leave things exactly how they are. And I’m sorry to anyone that it affects, but I’m not going to get it perfect. I’m going to mess things up while I do my best to get through these. Please don’t give up on me. Please don’t assume that because I freak out for half a second when one more thing is added to the pile that you shouldn’t tell me about things. Please know that I am still here to listen as your [insert my relation to you here]. There is no “but”. I just need you to know I’m trying my best, and that’s all I can do. And I am rolling with everything, but freaking out about major life changes is normal, so I’m also letting myself feel that normal reaction. And if you’re wondering if this is about you, then it probably is because I’ve felt like during this process I’ve been a particularly shitty girlfriend, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, granddaughter, employee, tenant, and amicable ex-wife at times.

I’m trying. Try with me, ok?

14 thoughts on “Because posting the mantra is about me, but this is about you too.”

  1. I think everyone who knows and loves you will think you are worth any of the temporary freaking. :smiles:

  4. Hang in there, girl. I know it’s cliche, but this too shall pass. You rock, and don’t ever forget it.

  8. Sybil, thank you.

    RW, and that is why alcoholism exists in my family. :winks: I will choose to drink water instead. Water cleanses your body, or so I’ve heard.

    Avi, just a shitty everything else? I felt like a really shitty friend last night… and the night before.

    Mel, I’m hanging in. I’m not even close to falling off any edges, I just felt like people thought I was and I needed to clear that up.

    Turnbaby, in three more sleeps I will have my break. :love:

    Maman, not even one of them is dirty. How sad is that?

    B, thank you. :love:

  10. First of all, RELAX. It will happen if it is supposed to.

    Second, I’m here if you need to scream. If you don’t have my cell, I’ll give it to you ***-***-****. :winks: Okay, I will for real if you want me to. Or, you can always find me on gtalk or twitter, too. I’m a great listener. Once upon a time, I wanted to be a psychologist.

  11. I posted a video version of this post because I didn’t really quite feel like I was successfully representing my mood about what I say here. It’s 10 minutes because I’m a babbler, but I feel better about explaining myself a bit more clearly.

  12. I don’t know what to say about this… Except that I have a lot of respect and admiration for you and all the things you do. I, for one, couldn’t handle any single aspect of your life.

  14. Hugs to Poppy! You’re doing great, kiddo, and you seem much calmer than *I* would be dealing with all those things! Way to stay cool!