This morning I was woken up by Ripley THWAPPING me on the back of the head. It was out of love, people, out of love. I got my ass outta the bed after checking the time and being amused that it was one minute before the scheduled time of the LOLOLOLcats photo below (how the hell did Ripley know?!) then fed the girls and Tink.

After this I think I did some aimless wandering around the apartment, because it’s really important to practice walking like a zombie for when the zombies attack and you want to trick them into thinking you’re one of them by walking like them (and, duh, moaning like them).

And then I left the house for the real adventures.

I went to the bank. The old bank. The bank where some money that is legally mine to do with as I please was just sitting, collecting dust. When I arrived to the bank I stood in the line waiting for a teller. (waaaiting waaaaaaiting waaaaaaaaaaiting) It’s finally my turn and I go to the window of a cute blonde woman wearing too much liquid pencil crap under her eyes, but I smile and tell her what I want to do — close that account and take alllllll the money with me. She informs me that I actually need to go to the customer service desk so that I can be put in the queue to sit down with someone to help me. I thank her and then I do the thing that drives Dawg nuts about me: I wink at her and say thank you. Now, the reason this drives Dawg nuts (it probably just amuses him, but nuts is funnier) is because I never wink at him. He winks at me, I put my head down and smile from ear to ear and get all gushy and start giggling and then I give him the love eyes, but I don’t wink. And yet, I’ll wink at strangers.

I’m an inappropriate situation winker.

I admit it.

Moving on.

I sit down and wait to go into one of the offices to close my account. (waaaiting waaaaaaiting waaaaaaaaaaiting) I try not to stare at a man whose face is all ripped up like he took a face plant off a bike, because in my staring I’ll just be imagining him flying over the handlebars and while I’m staring he’ll of course get pissed off that I’m staring at him and he’ll come confront me and yell at me and I won’t take that very well and I’ll kick him in the balls, and we just don’t want that, so I look down instead.

And then it’s my turn! And I go into one of the offices and Amina asks me what I want to do today and I tell her I want to close my account. She asks me for my member number. I spout it off (had the damn account for… 14 years now, it’s just occurring to me, so I know the number, duh) and she looks up my account, asks me if my name is Poppy, and sees there are loans associated with the account and tells me I need to leave an account open with them, that I can close this account and start a new one, but I have to leave an account open even though the loans are paid from not-that-account. (Um, ok.) So we discuss back and forth about what to do now, and I instead decide I’ll take out all but $5 from the account since I won’t incur any fees for having only $5 in the account. Amina cuts me a check for all but $5. I sign the check. I take the check with me.

Anyone see a problem with this?

I just took out all the money in that account except $5 and all I did was tell her a member number. ::blink blink:: Sooooo, all this time I could have been sitting in office chairs randomly giving member numbers and taking thousands and thousands of dollars out of accounts? Wow, I’m so glad to know my money has been one random person’s confident telling of my member number away from being stolen! That makes me feel GREAT!

Next (and last) errand for the day (check depositing will occur a different day): Grocery store. I spend two hundred thirteen dollars and forty-six cents, which is $213.46 for those of you who hate number words. I live alone, humanly speaking, with 3 cats. I have had my dad and stepmother over once. I’ve never had any friends over to consume goods. When PiC takes care of the cats he doesn’t eat or drink anything, he just borrows DVDs. When Dawg is over he brings his own ice coffees (or I pick them up before he gets here so he doesn’t have to make the stop, but point being I don’t buy coffee from the grocery store for him) and we go out to eat for the most part. Soooooo… that $213.46? That’s all about me and the girls. And if I add up the part that is for the girls it’s 8.79 + 12.89 + 2.39 + 9.29 + 5.29 = $38.65, leaving $174.81 in consumables for just me. Even if I remove the total from the three Mother’s Day cards (one for mom, one for stepmom, one for maternal grandmother) and birthday card (maternal grandmother) from the total it’s still $161.15.

Lesson taught for the millionth time but never learned: Don’t go grocery shopping when hungry.

Thank you and good night.