Yesterday I had a very long moment of self annihilation. In my head I was undoing all of the positive things in my life, tearing them apart like a mammoth-sized wood chipper. The reasons that culminated into an unfortunate pinnacle are not important — it’s hormones. Luckily I did not act on this feeling.
This morning I had a dream of the consequences of the undoing. I was back in Vermont, working back at my former place of employment, but very much demoted. In the cafe I used to go to were high school students instead of college students and colleagues. Everyone hated me for leaving. I was alone, as in I had no love relationship or friendships or family bonds.
I don’t want that. I just want to come home tonight and spend quality time with my family without my hormones enraging me then tiring me and sending me to bed.
Top Chef was pretty good last night, eh? Happy it’s here so I can smile every time I see something I recognize.
November 13th, 2008 at 7:38 am
Mention that. uh.. hm.. Word to yo mama.
So, you mean picking everything in your life apart is not the default ?
…I’m doing it wrong.
Don’t worry, though. Realistically, there is no truly logical reason why your NY life should go wrong. And I’m under the impression that, once you leave a place, you’re definitely missed, but never hated. One of those people who turn up and make a place better just by being there.
November 13th, 2008 at 7:46 am
Stupid hormones.
You are right–some snuggly time with the loved ones is always good.
And maybe Sam-e? It’s a supplement that’s pretty cool.
November 13th, 2008 at 9:53 am
Awwww.
I think a lot of people are feeling very blah, lately. I know I have! I blame the weather. Something that truly helps me – coming home to a nice, cozy crockpot meal on a cold, crappy day. Sounds stupid, but it works.
November 13th, 2008 at 10:49 am
I think Sybil is on to something. I’ve been feeling icky too. And my ovaries are the size of raisins — and yet I am hormonal too. Don’t ask.
Anyhoo… this too shall pass. I actually watched Top Chef last night. I was fasting and watching food shows is oddly soothing.
November 13th, 2008 at 11:58 am
Was it dreary outside? I do that when it is gray. So.. that would be November 1, to April 1.
November 13th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
top chef was pretty good. of course i did not see what happened last night. :/
November 13th, 2008 at 12:20 pm
I need Sybil to come cook for me because that’s what always makes me feel better too on “those” days.
Feel better Poppy!
November 13th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I have moments like that too. I often wish I had the clarity before having them but I’m human…just like you.
November 13th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
So weird. I just had a bad dream myself. I agree that part of it has to do with the weather. Another part is strictly hormonal. The difference between crazy and psychotic I think is that us crazies KNOW it’s temporary and that carries us over until the next day without doing anything irrational and the psychotics.. well… they act on their feelings then react when it’s too late.
For example, I sometimes feel like smothering Mr. Twinkie in his sleep because I’m pissed at him and the world but I don’t because I know that the next day the hormones shall pass and I will love him and hug him and squeeze him and kiss him and …
SEE????? Me=crazy!!!
November 13th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
oops…. not to say that I think YOU are crazy.. just talking about myself in general and hormones and ummm… ah.. eh…
November 15th, 2008 at 3:50 pm
Weird. Last night I had a dream that Obama’s acceptance speech was in a football stadium in Cincinnati, and he made half the people kneel to listen to it. Then he got drunk as the speech went on and THEN there were these crazy lights in the sky and his speech was interrupted by 3 spacecraft landing just outside the stadium. One was a rebuilt station wagon, and PAULY SHORE was one of the aliens inside.
November 16th, 2008 at 11:49 pm
Creature, you’re being awfully wise lately. What has happened to you?
Turn, I think snuggling is the best idea of them all.
Sybil, we did buy a crockpot! And I made meatloaf in it yesterday. Hopefully soon I’ll make more stuff since it has a timer and a warming unit.
Finn, “ovaries like raisins” keeps playing over and over in my head. I keep seeing raisins attached to fallopian tubes.
Maman, it was dark. Not dreary weather, just dark. And CRAZY overstimulation of the Manhattan 5 o’clock traffic, with the added bonus of an accident in the tunnel. A few other variables in there caused me to melt down.
Yoshi, I really enjoyed the show. Hope you’ve had a chance to see it!
Thanks, Sheila.
Hilly, being human seems to be overrated very often.
Twinkie, I’ve never felt like smothering Dawg but I guess it could happen in time. The only person I’ve actually smothered was my brother, but he just laughed at me.
K, I HAD THAT DREAM TOO! Ok, not really.
November 16th, 2008 at 11:57 pm
Oh, nothing special, really. I just have a knack for pointing out things that happen to be obvious.