Dear E Train,
Go suck your own cock. And not in the pleasant way. I want you to suck it the teethy pus-filled sore way. Because that’s the best that you deserve. And I don’t just want, I insist.
Poppy does not love you.
The end.
Dear Audrina from The Hills,
Justin is a dirty scumbag. He’s only hanging around you so he can be on TV. I assure you he sucks the cock. That’s not a bad thing in any way whatsoever, other than the fact that you think he’s exclusive to you now which makes him a cheater and you a fool.
Kisses,
Poppy
Dear MTV,
Did you really think we wouldn’t notice this is your third time having “The Real World” in New York if you called it “The Real World: Brooklyn”?
You’re stupid,
Poppy
Dear Top Chef,
YAY TO YOU BEING IN NEW YORK I LOVE YOU I CAN’T WAIT TO MISTAKENLY RUN INTO PADMA AND TOM EVEN THOUGH THE BULK OF THE SHOW IS ALREADY TAPED.
Love love love,
~ Popstar
November 7th, 2008 at 9:43 pm
Wait…are you telling me that the Real World is still going on?
Huh.
November 7th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
I know, right? The only reason I know is because I’m addicted to watching those RW/RR Challenge shows and during the commercial break of the reunion show I saw a lame generalized ad for RW: Brooklyn.
November 7th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
*cough*
November 7th, 2008 at 10:43 pm
I always think of the E-Train as a lady. A skanky old whore of a lady that smells like a toilet and has bums riding her ass all night.
November 8th, 2008 at 12:07 am
your first letter made me snort my alcoholic beverage out my nose. ouch.
November 8th, 2008 at 9:51 am
mmmmmmmmmmmmm, i love me some tom from top chef. please hug him extra tight for me!
i like when sweet poppy goes all nasty letter writing poppy. care to write one to us air for me? i am hating them right now.
November 8th, 2008 at 10:12 am
Creature, I stand by my statement. Let the train come for me. I have awesome defense skills.
Dave2, whether she’s a lady or not, she can go fellate herself.
Sara, I apologize for your pain, but the E deserves what I said.
Hola, I’m guessing Tom has a “No Touching the Tom” rule invoked. All airlines deserve a letter by default.
November 8th, 2008 at 12:27 pm
The E-Train is a cock sucker, isn’t he?
Loved this post! :P
November 8th, 2008 at 1:43 pm
I think you are in luck Top Chef-wise as Tom lives in NY… therefore your odds of running into him go up! Particularly if you dine at Craft or any of its siblings…
November 8th, 2008 at 3:21 pm
The Real World is still ON? I had no idea.
November 16th, 2008 at 9:58 am
I am a firm believer that any train that is “blue” sucks. But the all time suckiest of suckiest is the C train.
Avoid it. It has chlamydia. Which hopefully it gives to the producer of Real World: Brooklyn.
It was fun meeting you, I’m sure I’ll see you next Halloween!