Robert Frost mentioned something about a fork (and what’d that get him? his house vandalized…)
Add commentsI have been going a little Friend crazy on Facebook.
When I originally opened my account there I would only add Bloggers. Now that I am about to leave France (hi, it’s Vermont) for New York I’ve been doing my best to find everyone I’ve ever been friends with in Vermont and add them to my Friends list because… well, I’m about to close a 34-year-long chapter of my life and open a new one, but I don’t want the players in that chapter to be closed out as well. Sure, I haven’t spoken to some of them in over a decade, and my name, hair color, and glasses have changed, but they still recognize me as me and they add me as their Friend anyway. It feels like I get to tuck everyone in my pocket and bravely wander out into the world and go do what I was Meant To Do.
I really did want to move to a borough of New York City back in 1998 when I was there for an installation, training, and online visit for my first job out of college. I loved that there were people everywhere but they weren’t bothering you, that there were so many things to do there but you didn’t feel obligated to do any of them at all, that you could walk one block too far and be in a neighborhood where you don’t belong but your intuition let you know better.
Here, in Vermont, I belong everywhere. Why? Because everyone is exactly. like. me. and when that’s what you know it’s very stifling if you understand there is something more out there and you want to be a part of it.
I love Dawg as both my partner and my friend. He is a major reason for me going to New York. I really couldn’t do this without his support at this time in my life where I know no one in the city except him and his very accepting family and friends. I was going to make a major geographical change after the divorce was final, and just hadn’t decided where. The top contenders had naturally been Tennessee (mom and stepdad — “M&M”) or Texas (Ms. Bdogg McGee). And then I got bonked in the forehead that this amazing man was sitting right in front of me with his orange blog and his adorable smile and his yummy NOT-accent, and I knew my answer: Queens. Because everyone should aspire to live in Queens at some point in life, right? To me Queens is like Vermont and Montreal rolled into one. The neighborhoods are quiet brick row houses but anything you could possibly imagine wanting to do is just around the corner.
And back to the reason for Friending: I need to make sure I have my own support network, separate from what is rightfully Dawg’s. I know all of his family and friends that I’ve met so far are very happy to see me in his life, but I can’t just tag along into his life completely or else I’ll end up being this needy girl who can’t do anything on her own and that’s not who I am. I am independent. I am adventurous. I am like-able (likable, not to be confused with lickable, hence the hyphenation). I don’t want to smother the most wonderful relationship I have ever had by not setting myself up to succeed ahead of time. So… suddenly I am allowing those in my local life to merge into my online life a little bit more. And I’m no longer afraid to show my local life the real me.
Hi. This is me.
Robert Frost is famous in Vermont. He wrote The Road Not Taken in 1915:
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
He wrote that for me. 
July 25th, 2008 at 5:51 am
Of course he wrote it for you. I think you are wise to realize that you need to have your own life and friends and I don’t think there is any way that you will be that needy girl, because it is just not in you.
This is such an exciting time for you; I look forward to reading about your adventures in Queens once you get there. We visited my great aunt and uncle in Queens back in the early 90s. They lived in a brownstone in a quaint neighborhood, and my mom said that the only thing different from when she had visited them as a child 25 years prior was that they had added a dishwasher. Same 1970s sculptured carpets and everything.
You are going to have a great time getting to know your new surroundings. Sometimes a change of scenery is just what you need.
July 25th, 2008 at 6:26 am
You will do well in Queens. It’s a nice area. I like Queens.
And you will make friends outside of Dawg. When you get a job.
You’re gonna do great
July 25th, 2008 at 7:06 am
There’s so much I want to say here. Too much.
Just – um – yay.
Or “bleep”. You understand bleep. ;-)
July 25th, 2008 at 8:22 am
That’s a great way to look at it.
OH, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I totally suck – I forgot until this morning and was going to write a whole post about it and everything. Maybe my post tomorrow will have to be about you.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:15 am
It’s my impression that if you submerged yourself in Dawg’s life and negated that part of you that was you and just lived in his sphere at some point he’d turn around and go “Just… what the fuck, Poppy?” So ur doin it right.
July 25th, 2008 at 9:36 am
That was lovely. I’m feeling all sorts of good vibes for you right now. :-)
July 25th, 2008 at 10:21 am
As I said the other day, you are a gregarious, fun-loving, and adventurous person. You will never allow yourself to mind meld so much with Dawg that you lose yourself. And, truthfully, I don’t believe he would allow that to happen to either of you.
The best part? You’re friends. And well, you know, you’re (gulp) lovers (blush). But you are both not kids in puppy love (well, most of the time anyways) so you both have already created who you are, what you like, what you don’t like, and function independently of each other simply because it’s something you both were capable of doing prior to merging (gosh, that sounds like a corporate thingy).
You’ll be fine. He’ll be fine. Your friends in (gasp) Vermont will always be there. No matter what. Miles, solar systems, none of that will change how ya’ll feel about each other.
You’re good.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Happy Birthday baby!
And I thought he wrote that for me. Oh well, you may have it. I hope you are excited for your new life. It’s gonna be most excellent. I mean it.
July 25th, 2008 at 10:46 am
That is one of my very favorite poems, and reading it reminds me the choices I’ve made in my recent life that have been bumpy sometimes, but ultimately they were the best choices.
I’m so happy for you and the new chapter of your life that is beginning.
AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
July 25th, 2008 at 11:53 am
happy, happy birthday sweet poppy! what a wonderfully nice thing for mr. frost to do, writing such a fantastic poem for you. ya know what? you deserve it!
i’m so happy for you, pretty lady.
July 25th, 2008 at 12:44 pm
July 25th, 2008 at 1:25 pm
I hope you have a wonderfully happy birthday Poppy. Best wishes!
July 25th, 2008 at 3:06 pm
Happy birthday Poppy!
I moved from Spain (Massachusetts) to NY in ’99 and it all worked out fine (I think) ;)
Enjoy!
July 25th, 2008 at 3:10 pm
You seem well-prepared to handle a whole new world.
Oh, by the way – Happy Birthday !
)
(I was going to buy you a song, but then I realized that I don’t have your email address, so I didn’t.
July 25th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
Second, what an awesome poem. What an exciting new adventure you are about to embark on. I think you have a very healthy perspective which is going to take you very far. That’s the majority of the battle.
If Vermont is France, then what is New York???
Now that you will be in New York, you will be closer to where I live! We could always get together and do a girl thing where no boys are allowed. Bleep.
July 25th, 2008 at 11:20 pm
One word as far as Facebook is concerned:
Mobwars.
July 26th, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Yeah – is NY just going to be called NY, or is it going to take on some other country alias?
You are going where your heart leads you – that can NEVER be wrong.
July 26th, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Jen, I’m pretty sure this was always my destiny, I just delayed it by 10 years. I can’t wait to have stories to tell you!
And I will only become that needy girl if I forget who I am (again). I need to remember to not lose myself. That’s the hard part. Hopefully if Dawg sees me losing myself he’ll give me the figurative kick in the ass to snap out of it.
Sparky, I’m hoping to make friends outside of just my job. I’d love to meet at least one blogger in the area and see if we are compatible in local life. If not, at least it will be fun to meet another person!
Britt, that is perfect usage of “bleep”. You get me, you really get me.
Avi, I’m not sure why you thought it was your job to write me a birthday post anyway… no worries, silly.
RW, I really hope that’s true. I am going to try my hardest not to fall into that trap, but I’m pretty sure Dawg won’t keep it to himself if he’s annoyed that I’m suddenly being clingy.
Stef, awwww, thank you.
Mattie, this personality you see now is a work in progress. In past relationships I *did* let myself get lost in my partner’s life. I don’t ever want to do that again. It’s not fair to me, but it is also not fair to my partner. Suddenly I am burdening them with my happiness quotient? No. It’s up to me to make myself happy. But, you’re right, I do now know who I am and what makes me happy, the best part of growing up.
Thanks, Finn.
We’ll share the poem. 
B, I am so happy that you are happy because your support has helped me through some major changes in my life… and, heh, here’s another one.
I can’t wait!!! Also, thanks for the birthday wishes. 
So far 34 has been pretty fantastic.
Thanks for the birthday wishes, Hola. Rob Frost is my homie. (Actually, I really used to be friends with a guy by that name.)
Sour, I’ll vote for best birthday EVAH.
Thanks for all the cards, paper and e-variety! I love them all!
Thank you, Melanie!!!
Bearette, if I had to guess I’d say it’s all worked out quite well for you. I’m glad you’re another transplant like me, gives me hope that I’ll get it right eventually and figure out my way around more than a block from home.
Creature, thank you.
Lisa, even old New York was once New Amsterdam, but comparative geographically speaking New York would be Great Britain. It is a melting pot… And I suck at doing most girlie things, but we can give it a try. (Dawg appreciates not having to hand over his credit card to me so I can go shopping… what a foreign concept to me.) How about COFFEE?
Dawg, thanks for encouraging me to put my money in the bank so that punk Quiet Mikey B doesn’t get lucky and steal it from me.
Sybil, the condensed version of why Vermont was ever called France is because I used to be paranoid about people knowing anything about my real life. That’s no longer a concern. If I post any pictures or mention any kind of details whatsoever people are going to know I’m in New York. No point in trying to hide the identity of the most famous city in the world.