It seems that once we get firmly established into our blog life and are comfortable with our blog friends we inevitably come to a point where we realize that this great place where we could say anything and everything and be accepted for who we are takes a turn for the less-best, and we feel we need to censor ourselves.
Take, for instance, me. Since I’m the author of this blog and the knower of my life, I can tell you I definitely have been censoring myself more and more on this blog since late July of 2007, and in fact had been censoring myself to a large degree since December of 2006. (Did you know that? Was it obvious?)
I cannot, in good conscience, tell all of blogland exactly what is going on in my life (bad or good), or how my life is affected by the lives of other bloggers around me. There are good and bad things going on in my life and in the lives of other bloggers that just are not for public consumption.
So, this leaves me to wonder: Where is the outlet for these things? Where do we bare our souls when we need to get something off our chests but we want it to be anonymous? Do we start another blog but tell no one at all about it? Do we keep a paper or Word document journal and keep our fingers crossed that no one accidentally stumbles upon it? Do we keep the information locked inside our heads and tell ourselves to just forget about it? Do we tell our therapists everything and smile politely when they give us that “errr, so, you’re telling me people inside the computer are your friends” look? Or do we just say, “fuck it, who cares if it hurts anyone we know or has negative consequences to me personally” and just spill it on our blogs anyway?
In case you’re wondering, I personally won’t be picking the “fuck it” option.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
I’m of the “fuck it” mentality… mainly because as much as might be out there about “me” as “me”… well it’s really still pretty anonymous all things considered.
Unless your mom reads your blog. Then that’s just too close to home for my taste… and then “fuck it” really isn’t an option… although if your mom is cool she won’t mind when you talk about how as a child you were whipped and beaten with a freshly carved from the earth sapling and then forced to pour salt into the wounds with ever handful of popcorn you eat while watching Star Wars.
Yeah… I say “fuck it”.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:51 pm
You are so damn adorable, even when you’re telling me about your childhood beatings. Dammit!
But… ok, for example, let’s say that Steff and Donkey and The Terrorist and Beaner/Lollipop read your blog. Would you have said all that you said about them on the blog?
I think you hold back from your blog. You might be talking all “fuck it” but you were very cryptic in your post about the big changes coming up in your life. Why didn’t you just say what the changes were if you’re of the “fuck it” mentality?
(Food for thought, I’m not trying to get you to spill whatever’s on your mind if you’re not ready to spill it, just showing you exactly what I’m talking about.)
March 27th, 2008 at 3:02 pm
Mmmmm… well do Steff, Donkey, Lollipop, and all of them know who they are? If the answer is yes, then your right, I probably wouldn’t… BUT… for the most part, my blog is still an anonymous blog and therefore even though I am 99% sure two people you listed have read it/are reading it… I still would write the same thing because for all intense purposes it’s still my blog, and I’m still largely anonymous, and I largely could care less.
As for being “cryptic” and whatnot… its a matter of trying not to Jinx something. Rule number one of EMS, whatever you say hasn’t happened will happen. Rule number two is rule number one plus it will happen during dinner. Go figure. Besides… need to build SOME sort of hype… even though there’s something not there.
(This isn’t food for thought… chicken soup IS food for thought… this is mental torture…
)
March 27th, 2008 at 3:07 pm
Hi, I feel like I’m interrupting here…
IF I had anything like that & felt I needed to get it out, I’d probably do a private blog. I’m too lazy to handwrite things, and too cheap for a therapist.
As you were.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:09 pm
Private blog, postsecret, diary, IRL friends that don’t know about the blog, etc. I think we all have a way of airing the dirty stuff somehow.
Then there are the dirtiest of dirties, which we sometimes keep to ourselves.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:15 pm
Fair enough about point 1.
So, you’re saying you’re worried your big changes won’t happen if you mention them? I don’t even know what big changes you’re referring to, but I’m pretty sure when you set your mind to something you make shit happen.
You and I can both be very cryptic, so when I read that cryptic part of your post I fully respected the fact that it was cryptic and would remain that way until you were ready, if ever, to reveal what you meant, but I’m still saying this is proof that you don’t always just say “fuck it” and spill everything that’s on your mind onto your blog.
I know you’ve posted some really deep stuff on your blog, some things that I’m not sure I could ever have said here if I’d gone through the same circumstances, and you have to know I respect and admire you for having the guts to do that (or, well, if you didn’t then you do now) but I still think you’re holding back sometimes.
And now I’m censored in responding to the mental torture part. See? You shouldn’t be tortured by this post or my comment.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
I keep thinking that I’ll get around to the private dairy thing, but by the time my lazy butt gets into gear, I forget the personal drama I was having. So that’s me in a nutshell: therapy via laziness.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:19 pm
Tug, not interrupting. Private blog is an interesting solution, but part of blogging (for most bloggers, anyway) is being heard. So I’m not sure many of the people who are currently feeling censored would choose that option.
ACW, I thought the dirtiest of dirties was what postsecret is for.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:20 pm
Noelle, I’m all for lazy.
I’m just noticing a trend of people getting so intertwined into blogland that they are forced to censor things they’d really like to say.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:27 pm
I try not to censor too much. I try not to blog in anger, b/c then it fades and I’d be tempted to delete the post; and I don’t blog about people IRL who annoy me. But other than that, I put most of it out there.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Bearette, believe it or not, I thought of you when I was writing this post. I think randomly about how long you had to keep E a secret
aboutfrom us, and about how you must have wanted to GUSH about him but couldn’t because …we know you bloglandly speaking and it would have been too early. See?March 27th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
For me, it’s a totally different blog that no one knows about, and that no one will find by googling me or anything related to me. It involves lots of nicknames, lots of twisting of reality and lots of Single Malt.
I realize that the last two options might amount to the same thing.
March 27th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
I know where I’m not putting it.
Anywhere.
March 27th, 2008 at 8:00 pm
I blog anonymously. But I honestly don’t think I need to simply because no one who knows me sees the person I blog about, the real me.
Not the person I’m married to, not my offspring, not my cleaning lady, not the UPS guy.
No one has ever cared enough about who I am as a person to think that I might have something important to say, that I was smart (out of 10 children, I’m the ONLY one with a college degree), that I’ve survived being beaten, raped, molested, and robbed.
So, I say what I want. However I want to say it. I keep names out of it that are real, just in case. Not that it would embarrass me or that I would hurt anyone, but until I finish this journey I am on to be heard, to be loved, to be myself, I don’t want to be discovered.
Afterwards, after I accomplish my goals, I will be handing out my web site address to everyone I leave behind in the dust.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:08 pm
Mikey, your cool points went way up. Yay you for being able to have that separation.
Creature, I don’t understand what you do when you need to get something off your chest.
Mattie, you made me smile. Not because of all the horrible things that have happened to you in your lifetime, but because you’re on that journey to be heard. I’m proud of you for that, and glad you’ll hand out that address when you’ve accomplished your goals.
March 27th, 2008 at 9:09 pm
Yeah, I can tell you have been censoring yourself. You are extremely cryptic at times.
I censor myself a lot- because I got sick of comments from nasty people that just happen upon one post of mine years after the fact and judge me by it.
I really want to switch blog platforms to WordPress so I can have the ability to do password protected posts, but I haven’t found anyone that can help me move from Movable Type.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:15 pm
Wow, Jen, I find it hard to believe anyone would find objection with your blog or any of its posts. Now I’m really curious which post it is that gets everyone all worked up!
March 28th, 2008 at 12:10 am
Yes…it was hard! I definitely wanted to talk about him before I was supposed to :)
March 28th, 2008 at 8:32 am
Oh… the pain…
March 28th, 2008 at 9:10 am
Bearette, I figured.
And, in retrospect, when you thought my big news was that I was pregnant it all added up as to why you thought that. 
Dawg, *giggle* I will stop torturing you now.
March 28th, 2008 at 9:56 am
I journal every day. Every single day, almost. At least six times a week.
I have found that I can answer most of my own questions, given enough time. Even if things appear to be bad at that given moment. I usually have my own best advice.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:23 pm
I think you should let it out.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:35 pm
Abs, I’m glad you have an outlet.
Avi, so… whatever is on my mind right now I should just “spill it” on my blog? Even if it hurts people who actually read this blog? Even if it’s not for me to say? I wrote this post for all the other bloggers I see who are struggling with needing an outlet but finding themselves stifled by the fact that too many other bloggers are in their business (because we invite each other in) and know who they are. This post isn’t me saying “I need to say something but I can’t say it here,” but rather me acknowledging the phenomenon that our safe blogging haven becomes a place where we suddenly can’t tell all the news we’d want to tell because we actually become familiar with one another. The example with Bearette is a perfect one. If she were brand spanking new to blogging she could have just put it out in the world, “I’m pregnant!” and it wouldn’t have mattered, but because so many of us who read her blog have a vested interest in her health and wellbeing and in her as a person, that wasn’t something she could do.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:47 pm
Well, you were talking about censoring yourself specifically for the last 15 months. It was your comment about not being able to tell people how things are going in your life that has me saying that you should be able to.
March 28th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Hmm. An interesting point.
Hey, everybody, I got divorced!
How’s that?
March 28th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
March 28th, 2008 at 4:05 pm
March 30th, 2008 at 7:56 pm
It was after the fiasco with my Hawt Dawgg that I decided no matter what bad thing might happen to me, I will NEVER blog about it.
If I got cancer or my husband left me (or god forbid, died) or had an accident I would not blog about that.
In fact, I think if anything like that happened to me, it would be bye-bye blogland. I think I’d lose the heart for it.
I’ve also FINALLY drawn a line where no one who doesn’t already know my peronal info will ever get it. There are some people who can’t keep their faces shut about personal issues and really, who wants those people to know real life information?
Oh and fwiw, I sorta stopped commenting as much on my favourite blogs…except Annie. Annie’s been with me forever. I am pulling back. I haven’t decided if that’s sad or smart but I just need to put distance in there.
It’s your own words…What? The people inside the computer are your friends? Um, if it sounds crazy, it is crazy. Seriously.
Oh and I knew you were divorced / divorcing before I ever spoke to you so you didn’t exactly hide that. Altho, depending on what you think of your ex, you’ve done a remarkable job at not bashing the shit out of him.
March 30th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
PS: I am not done writing a blog in your blog.
If I was you or Dawgg or both (kinky), I wouldn’t have blogged about my relationship. Call me a little ray of sunshine, but the first thing I would think of is “what if we broke up?”
It’s like a co-worker thing. It’s uncomfortable and all I’d want to do is be far away from that person (because I always want to be far away from people I don’t like.(anymore))
The thought of that would scare me too much…and now I would just think of it as yet another way to let people rubberneck on my life.
But maybe that’s just me.
March 30th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
I understand, about Dawg, about a life changing event ending your blogging, about pulling back from blogs.
I pulled back while going through my life changing event, but I found I really needed support and wasn’t getting enough of it offline. A number of bloggers helped get me through that time, and I am very thankful to each of them.
Regarding the ex, the details are never going to be for public consumption. No matter what I think of him, whether I think he’s great or think he’s horrible, he didn’t ask to be put in my limelight and I will respect his wishes to not be mentioned here ever again.
March 30th, 2008 at 8:18 pm
PS – I can’t speak for Dawg, he is his own person, but we jointly decided to mention the relationship because it was getting too hard to pretend we weren’t, and it felt like we were keeping each other secret. He is not a secret to me, and I am not a secret to him, so why treat each other as such?
Can’t live life in fear. Or, rather, I refuse to anymore.
And, for the record, we’ll cross the bridge if it ever comes to it, but for me there is no bridge.
March 30th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
I don’t see it as hiding or living in fear or having secrets. I see it as keeping a good thing to myself for awhile.
I’m older and A LOT more cynical than you are. I just really wouldn’t want to deal with the fall out. I have 4 words for it. Un Comf Ort Able.
The problem about blogging is the good thing about blogging. People knowing your shit when you seriously wish you could take back that you ever mentioned something in the first place. I know a couple of people who have that wish.
If I need to talk, I have phone numbers. I don’t think not blogging after a tragic circumstance would change that I do have people. I just don’t have it on a blog.
March 31st, 2008 at 2:33 pm
OMG I am so freaking behind in my feeds.
Ahem. Anyway.
Yes, I do think to a certain extent when the people who read your blog start to be made up of REAL people to you, it changes it a little bit.
I’m a pretty open person online or off, so for the MOST part it’s not a big deal. But there are times when I want to say things on MY blog that I don’t… because I stop and think about how it will affect some of the people who read it.
In that way, it kind of stops becoming MY blog and becomes something WE share.
You know?
March 31st, 2008 at 3:32 pm
Miss Ann, I’ve thought a lot about this and I really don’t see a difference between me talking about Dawg (who people here happen to know) and anyone else freely talking about someone they’re seeing or even married to. My statement about not living in fear was more a nod to how I used to live my life, nothing to do with you.
Britt, I think people are giving interesting advice on this post. And now I’m gonna get all tough and say TAKE BACK YOUR BLOG. I’ve had days to mull it over and it annoys the fucking shit out of me that my blog would not be my blog to do with as I please anymore. That said, still doesn’t mean I’m gonna spill other people’s business without some form of permission.