Conceit is “I am a better person than you.”

We all get a warm and fuzzy for helping others. This is appropriate and acceptable.

Look in the mirror. Do you have two arms ? Hands ? Eyes, a nose, hair ? Is that a heart beating in your chest ?

And can you change that ? Of course you can’t.
You’re human.

And you can’t change how your brain works, either. The human mind (and pretty much that of every other conscious being) works in a very particular way. It always seeks gratification. Everything we do is making us feel better on some level. Because that’s the only reason we do it. We’re always compelled to trigger that “reward” center inside our head. The thing that makes us feel good. No intentions could ever be fully selfless, because then, there wouldn’t be any intentions.

But of course we are also self-aware. We know what we are doing, don’t we ? And you consciously choose the rewarding feeling of being nice to others over far easier, uncompromised self-gratification. And you know what that means.

In all seriousness…you’re an awesome person. HEAD UP!

I blogged about being a good person. I told the entire world I am good. Therefore, in my mind, I committed a conceited action. It’s not what I was trying to accomplish, I was trying to address my crisis of conscience by asking for your opinion, but in asking your opinion I actually did exactly the thing that makes me feel shameful about doing good things — I bragged that I do good things. I understand there’s no way for me to tell you I have these feelings without telling you I do good things, but it does not make me feel better to receive such praise after I boasted. And please understand, I’m not telling you this so you’ll argue this point with me, because you arguing this point with me actually makes me feel even more conceited about my self-proclaimed goodness, I’m just letting you know how I tick…

(When the hell did I allow guilt back into my life? Nice.)

Britt, I don’t disagree with you, but it still feels … I dunno, shameful to acknowledge that I am a nice and good person who just wants to do good for people. This is something I randomly struggle with, and of course I had a test of this struggle today which triggered my conflict again. I haven’t figured out how I am going to accept the no-win situation yet.

Creature, I would rather just not feel proud of my generosity.

Kyra, I am not nice to others so that they will be kind to me in return. I expect civility from others, but when people do kind things for me personally, with specific intention, it genuinely surprises me.

Tug, you have no idea how relieved I am that we are sharing this experience. It shaves off about 10% of the guilt for being conceited enough to think it in the first place. (WHO PUT GUILT INSIDE ME?! GDSOB, so gonna kick someone’s ass.)

Dawg, … I like that word, “recognizing” because there is no good or bad, just neutral. As for being Magneto… we really need to get you to the movie theater to see Iron Man, don’t we…

Sour, the only pride that is acceptable to my belief system is pride in others. Pride in myself is… well, it just doesn’t sit right. Pride and confidence are not equal. I am ok with confident in my abilities. It’s just being proud of them that… ugh.

SH, exactly! See… Phoebe truly is selfless! And made up.

Chicka, an event today triggered it, and in fact the biggest trigger for it is that I almost blogged about it and then I had a moment of clarity and realized that by blogging it I would be boasting.

Clearly I just need to get over this. But… hmm.

Humble is doing good stuff and still doing the good stuff whether you’re recognized for it or not.

We all like a pat on the back, but actively seeking out recognition is the poop on the lawn of a good deed. It’s almost like you didn’t do the goodness at all then.

Why the doubt? We lubs ya.

P.S. There’s a fine line between “Hey, I did this nifty thing - check it out” to inspire others and the “it’s all about meeeeee”…KWIM?