Sometimes I wonder what my intentions actually are for doing certain things.
Do you ever wonder that?
I mean, … I always think I'm a nice person, doing things for or with others just because I'm nice and I want them to be happy. And then I catch myself in a moment of wondering if my intentions are as pure as I thought they were. What am I getting out of it? I'm getting something out of it. I am not as selfless as I hoped. Because even in being selfless I am enjoying the feeling of being selfless, and therefore am actually selfish.
Not saying there's anything wrong with that, I just wish I wouldn't notice I was being so kind hearted, because as soon as I notice it means I'm conceited.
Sucky.
Just because you're conceited doesn't mean you're not better than everyone else.
Um, I mean… Just because you're better than everyone else doesn't mean you're conceited.
Yeah, that's it.
Don't take this the wrong way… but that's silly. If doing nice things makes you feel good, and thinking you're a good person makes you feel good, then by all means, keep doing them. We could do with more people in the world who are so nice that they chalk their niceness up to conceit. You're one in a million Ms. Cedes.
ugh!
Now I want to go cry.
I am not better than everyone else!
but now I'm more frustrated than everyone else.
ACK! ACW, I
you. Thank you, you total sweetheart. You're one in a million too, ya know. Mrs. ACW is very lucky.
It's OK to be happy with yourself.
There is a big gap between conceit and a quiet self confidence.
I know those thoughts… And you know what ? That's okay. As long as you're helping people, and they're happy - What's wrong with feeling good about it ? It would only be a problem if you ended up indirectly causing them harm in some way just to get that feeling. As long as that doesn't happen, you're -just- a good person.
It's not a bad thing to benefit fom being kind to others. It makes you know that you are a great person with incredible values and it comes back to you in kindness from others. It's a win win!
All I want to know is when you turned Ninja-ette & crawled into my head stealing my thoughts.
was it scary in there?
I don't think that's conceited at all! Its just recognizing that what your doing is a good thing… and therefore you should do more of it.
Now doing bad things and thinking your doing good… THAT'S conceited… and misguided… and if you can control metal that makes you Magneto.
While you may not consider yourself better than everyone else, I would wager you are probably better than some. Regardless, I believe it is fair to consider you a good person and I wouldn't worry about your reasons behind it. People usually do things, good or bad, because there is some reward in it for them — it's just human nature. If your reward is a feeling of pride, I don't see anything wrong with that … especially because I have a feeling it's not a boastful pride (which, I'm assuming, is the one considered a sin?). We need more good people in the world and I don't care if their good actions have ulterior motives (like making them feel happy to help others) because good actions, in this day and age, are rare & commendable (in my opinion). So you go right on doing good things.
This reminds me of the episode of "Friends" where Phoebe hates PBS but she makes a donation to the telethon anyway to prove to Joey that there is a such thing as a selfless good deed after he told her that all good deeds are selfish.
Conceited is when you have to shout it to the world that you are great. Conceited earns a damn good smackdown. If people don't do it to the conceited, then life surely will. It's called "Karma's a bitch."
Humble is doing good stuff and still doing the good stuff whether you're recognized for it or not.
We all like a pat on the back, but actively seeking out recognition is the poop on the lawn of a good deed. It's almost like you didn't do the goodness at all then.
Why the doubt? We lubs ya.
P.S. There's a fine line between "Hey, I did this nifty thing - check it out" to inspire others and the "it's all about meeeeee"…KWIM?
Everyone, thanks. I'll go through and address each, but just one blanket statement:
I blogged about being a good person. I told the entire world I am good. Therefore, in my mind, I committed a conceited action. It's not what I was trying to accomplish, I was trying to address my crisis of conscience by asking for your opinion, but in asking your opinion I actually did exactly the thing that makes me feel shameful about doing good things — I bragged that I do good things. I understand there's no way for me to tell you I have these feelings without telling you I do good things, but it does not make me feel better to receive such praise after I boasted. And please understand, I'm not telling you this so you'll argue this point with me, because you arguing this point with me actually makes me feel even more conceited about my self-proclaimed goodness, I'm just letting you know how I tick…
(When the hell did I allow guilt back into my life? Nice.)
Britt, I don't disagree with you, but it still feels … I dunno, shameful to acknowledge that I am a nice and good person who just wants to do good for people. This is something I randomly struggle with, and of course I had a test of this struggle today which triggered my conflict again. I haven't figured out how I am going to accept the no-win situation yet.
Creature, I would rather just not feel proud of my generosity.
Kyra, I am not nice to others so that they will be kind to me in return. I expect civility from others, but when people do kind things for me personally, with specific intention, it genuinely surprises me.
Tug, you have no idea how relieved I am that we are sharing this experience. It shaves off about 10% of the guilt for being conceited enough to think it in the first place. (WHO PUT GUILT INSIDE ME?! GDSOB, so gonna kick someone's ass.)
Dawg, … I like that word, "recognizing" because there is no good or bad, just neutral. As for being Magneto… we really need to get you to the movie theater to see Iron Man, don't we…
Sour, the only pride that is acceptable to my belief system is pride in others. Pride in myself is… well, it just doesn't sit right. Pride and confidence are not equal. I am ok with confident in my abilities. It's just being proud of them that… ugh.
SH, exactly! See… Phoebe truly is selfless! And made up.
Chicka, an event today triggered it, and in fact the biggest trigger for it is that I almost blogged about it and then I had a moment of clarity and realized that by blogging it I would be boasting.
Clearly I just need to get over this. But… hmm.
You can blame my mom for the guilt…I do. She's the queen of guilt, & admits it herself.
In all seriousness…you're an awesome person. HEAD UP!
PS - Thanks for listening, everyone. I genuinely appreciate that.
I feel that maybe, I should expand this… Please forgive me if it's not welcome.
Look in the mirror. Do you have two arms ? Hands ? Eyes, a nose, hair ? Is that a heart beating in your chest ?
And can you change that ? Of course you can't.
You're human.
And you can't change how your brain works, either. The human mind (and pretty much that of every other conscious being) works in a very particular way. It always seeks gratification. Everything we do is making us feel better on some level. Because that's the only reason we do it. We're always compelled to trigger that "reward" center inside our head. The thing that makes us feel good. No intentions could ever be fully selfless, because then, there wouldn't be any intentions.
But of course we are also self-aware. We know what we are doing, don't we ? And you consciously choose the rewarding feeling of being nice to others over far easier, uncompromised self-gratification. And you know what that means.
PS: My avatar picture somehow makes this sound angry. Imagine a gentle tone of voice, okaypleasethanx.
Creature, when I read your comments it's in email so I don't see the eye staring. This is a really good point. I just think there are other societies where the people have a better control over experiencing pride for their personal accomplishments. I'm on the journey, but am not where I want to be in terms of having pride in my life.
It is kinda cyclical, but there is nothing wrong with being kind and doing things for others because you get a warm and fuzzy out of it. The bottom line is, as long as you are not overextending yourself, the other person has still benefited from your helping them, and that is the end result.
We all get a warm and fuzzy for helping others. This is appropriate and acceptable.
OMG I SO know what you're talking about! This is the difference: what you are getting out of it is happy, warm, fuzzy feelings; NOT a sense of being better than other people because they don't do the same. I have a father-in-law who does things for people all the time - but he never lets them forget about it and will remind them every time he sees them what he's done. He does it for slefish reasons, and because he likes to feel like the "hero". He only steps in to help when it makes him feel like he's saving someone - but if it's small and menial, you won't hear from him.
Anyway, (sorry I ramble so), you are a good person who does nice things to be nice and also because it makes you feel good and makes you want to continue doing nice things.
There is always a "payback", but in your case, it is just and sincere.
Anyway, you rock.
My whole thing made no sense, did it?!
"I'm a good person." That's not conceit.
Conceit is "I am a better person than you."